Sex can be a magical, wonderful thing, but it relies on one great skill: communication. With it, sex can reach the upper stratospheres of absolute pleasure. Without it, you’re two people each playing your own game, and unlikely to satisfy either party. For too long, women haven’t been getting what they want in the bedroom – just what the guy thinks they want. But after a massive study, they’ve decided to reveal all. And this is what they hate…

Doggy Style

Pretty much every sex guide on the planet will tell you that this should be your go-to move for hitting that sweet g-spot. But if she’s having a terrible time while you’re doing it, you’re never going to get there. Doggy style might work for some, but an incredible 28% of women said it doesn’t really work for them. It’s painful (especially if you’re well hung), all her bits are wobbling around, and it’s super impersonal.

Cowgirl

portunity to show off her delicious curves in all their glory. That is, unless she hates showing off the exact curves she’s tried hard to hide all these years. Then she’ll hate it. Add in the fact that she has to do all the exercise and you’re the one lying back with your arms behind your head, and you’ve got a real stinker of a position.

Reverse Cowgirl

Take cowgirl, but flip her around so she can’t even look at your face. How romantic is that? The answer is, of course, not really. If you can somehow work the angles – and it takes an expert to do it right – then there’s a lot of pleasure to be gained out of the Reverse Cowgirl. If you’re not an expert, she’s going to just be looking at your ankles and hoping she doesn’t break your tool in half.

Missionary

There’s really nothing more polarizing than missionary. Sure, it’s pretty much the most boring move around, but there is still something easy and intimate about it. The problem, for the ladies, seems to be that they’re never going to get off in that position, especially if you don’t have much junk in your trunks. Fine to start with, but after that you’ll get have to leave the safe zone.

69

After centuries of the age-old “who can multitask better” gender debate, we finally have a winner! And sorry ladies, but it’s not you. You just confirmed it when you said you didn’t like the 69 specifically because you find it hard to give and receive oral pleasure at the same time. Which in our minds, is easier than simultaneously having brunch with the girls and checking your Facebook feed. Now we have an excuse for not listening while we’re watching the hockey.

Legs Up

While this does work for a lot of women, it also has a small but surprisingly vocal group of haters. Missionary-but-with-the-legs-up does hit the right angles, it seems, but not everyone is a cheerleader. Not everyone can put their feet behind their eyes and smile while doing it. Some women want to be able to feel their legs in the morning.

Side-By-Side

On paper, the side-by-side or “spork” as we like to call it (spooning but with some unexpected prongs) sounds hella romantic and nice n easy. The problem is one of a) size – you’ve gotta be able to reach the tunnel of love with your pink train, and b) physics. That is, have you ever tried to develop a real rhythm and thrust while you’re on your side? Yeah, didn’t think so.

Against The Wall

Steamy, spontaneous, rough, and also universally unloved, the Against The Wall, with you holding her up, will only ever work if you have thighs that could crack a walnut. If you don’t got ’em, don’t bother. Her back will hurt from the wall, you’re going to get all sleepy after two thrusts, and nobody’s going to feel anything anyway.

The Jackhammer

Less a position and more a tempo, The Jackhammer consists of either Doggy or Legs Up and a pounds-per-minute of about 200. On the set of a porno, this always brings them to a mind-melting climax, but in real life, it just brings them to the doctor with a fractured butt. Those aren’t squeals of pleasure, kid – they’re cries of pain.

The Strong And Silent

And finally, the reverse of everything else is just as bad. You’ve heard that women love quiet and thoughtful guys, but grinding away slowly while not uttering a word won’t work for them either. It needs to be spicy, not mushy. And you’re forgetting the ultimate rule of every sexual encounter: communication. Find out what she wants in the first place, and you’ll never make a false move again.